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The work spaces are still mostly covered with projects, media and book making materials, but now I know that it'll get cleared and organized, and it makes me feel more optimism than I've felt in a while (with regards to my room.)
I'm still working out how best to do my room, since it's clear to me that the way I have it now, even though it's set up to give me the most floor space, isn't really set up to encourage me to work. But first things first: I've got to get my materials organized. I'm so glad that I bought these awesome organizers when I had a 50% off coupon at Jo-Anna's Fabrics... they've come in really handy!
I have my scrapping papers in one, my book making materials in another one, my watercolors and other paints in another, and all kinds of leather cords, strings, threads, etc, in another. They're stackable, they have handles, and snap closures. Awesome! Now I just wish that I'd ordered more! They aren't cheap, so the discount was kind of key.
Clearing out my room is also clearing out my head. I noticed that when there's too much stuff around, I start to feel a bit overwhelmed in that space. It's taken me long enough to figure that out, right? Sheesh. As I was putting things away, putting it into recycling, or throwing it into a Goodwill pile, I started thinking of projects that I want to start. Ideas were coming in as the crap was going out! Interesting phenomena.
I think I might be getting my inspiration back... and a little bonus: I found a letter written to me by my cousin, Alison. She passed away many years ago, killed by a drunk driver when she and her boyfriend were driving home one night. Reading that letter from her connected me to her quite suddenly and unexpectedly. I remember reading that letter when I first got it, in 1991. She had just returned from Norway, where she studied on a student exchange. She was trying to find her place again, having been abroad for so long. It was like going back in time. She was one of my best friends, next to Eustacia, who is still my best friend. Ali and I always made it a point to write each other, and call each other, as there wasn't any email back then. (Weird to think that now, right?) We could tell each other anything, and we frequently did. When she was killed, I was devastated. I felt dislocated. It was as if the rug had been pulled out from under me and left me dazed, hurting and lying on my back wondering what the hell had just happened. Aside from the somewhat expected death of my grandmother, I had only lost a few people at that age. Alison was the one that I couldn't reconcile for many years. Her death darkened my soul. I was never the same afterwards. I think that a very bitter seed was planted in my heart when that happened to her. It took many years for me to let go of the pain and to stop crying when I thought of her and how much I missed her. I think that it was my dreams of her that helped me the most. (I have dreamt of talking with her, and somehow I always understood that she was making an effort to come see me, and that it was real.) It used to be that I'd cry every month, then every few months. It got down to only a couple times a year, then less. The pain never really leaves us when we lose someone, I think. We just learn to accept and absorb it, somehow. I know that she isn't gone, either. She didn't just disappear, even though it initially felt that way. I've had moments when I knew that she was there for me. She watches over me and is my guardian angel. I'm really very lucky. Anyone that knew her, even for a short while, understood what a special person she was. The letter I found today reminded me of all of this and more. It was such a gift, and I had to share it with you.
I miss you, Alison Durfey. I miss your friendship. I still think of you, and I love you dearly. Thank you for being in my life, and thank you for watching over me now. You're missed by your family and by your friends. xoxox
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| Alison loved nasturtiums... these are for her. |
