Well, hello Friends. I've got my cup of coffee with me, and I thought I'd stop for a moment before I start getting ready for work. I'm still in training, though I've been answering the phones and doing basic things. It's not a difficult job at all. In fact, it's nothing I haven't done before. What's difficult is getting back into the swing of things.
As you may know, I've been kicking it at the apartment for the last year, and before that, I was just kicking it in L.A., with book projects to work on, life stuff to get in order, that kind of thing. I was just hanging out, which at first was an adjustment, and then became rather easy. (Though I was still dreaming a lot about my last job, whose stresses hadn't quite left my system yet.)
It's been just me and the boys, basically, for months and months. I thought I was tired of it, and that I was ready to join the work force. I hadn't realized that I would miss the leisure, or the time with my "kids"... but I do.
However, I also enjoy the energy of the people I work with, and the feeling of being a part of something else. It's a new chapter for me, and it's a little bit of a jerky start, but I am going to embrace it. It'll take me a while to figure out how to juggle my time, I'm sure. I'm still working on other projects, and have business to finish. Somehow, I'll need to start utilizing my time more wisely, as I used to know how to do. I'm sure I'm not alone in this.
When I was busy with a career, I knew how to manage my time better. I could work 40-55 hours a week, and still find time in there to do other things like shop, (half-heartedly) work on projects, cook, clean, etc. I was exhausted, mind you. Most of the time I felt quite tired, but I also used to fall asleep in about 1-2 minutes. But then I'd be wide awake at 1, 2, 3 am, and not be able to fall back asleep right away. I think that was stress-related. Without a career, I seem to have gotten very little done! Did I waste my time? I guess that depends on how you define "waste". Because when I really consider it, that time was a healing time for me that I desperately needed. I think that we forget to tend to ourselves most of the time... we worry about others' needs and situations, and we put ourselves on the back-burner. I did that a lot when I lived in California.
In my memory, I have always either worked, worked and went to school, went to school and worked, worked two or even three jobs, or was absolutely exhausted and unable to do anything.
And then I figured a few things out. You know, Life doesn't have to be a rat race. I know it seems like it does sometimes. It seems like it IS, sometimes. But if you can allow yourself to step back, and ask yourself some hard-hitting questions, you might find that you have the nerve to pull out of that race. Here are some questions:
1. What are the most important things to you?
2. What do you love the most in your life?
3. What can you live without if you had to?
4. Is your health more important than new gadgets or new clothes, etc?
5. What are you most grateful for?
If you can think outside the box, I'm sure that you'll find the path that's right for you. We're all so entrenched in thinking that we must have a career, we must buy a car, a house, whatever, and we must be "equal" to those in our peer groups, or we are failures. Look, the failure is in letting others tell you what kind of life to have and following that blindly. Make up your own mind, and allow yourself some happiness before this life is over! If Life has taught me anything, it's that most people think they have made decisions for themselves, but really, most people don't think. They just robotically weigh their choices with a "yes" or "no" answer against what OTHER people have done, and decide in an almost binary deduction from that. They don't actually stop and think about their own deep feelings. It's easy enough to say, if this then that. If that, then yes, or if that, then no. That's not making a real, true CHOICE. That's just following someone else's flowchart.
I hope I've give you some food for thought. REAL thought. Make magic happen for yourself! Be inspired by yourself! Use that juicy brain of yours for more than robotic decisions, and let yourself FLY... it's such a different path, and who knows? Maybe you'll be happier!
Last note: I'm not saying that I've made the right choice here, but that's my point. I'm making my OWN choice. I'm doing what feels good and right for ME. Everyone I know probably thinks I'm crazy for "settling" for an easy job, and not making tons of money... but I know what makes me happy more than anyone else could. I'm the writer for the story of my life. Are you?
I hope you have a blessed day. xoxox
After reading Brandigirl's blog today, which talks about what makes a person an artist, I felt the need to piggy back onto that subject.
When I was going to college, I had an instructor who was also a well-known sculptor. I looked up to him, as he seemed to be an artist as well as a success. He taught art, received commissions and actually made money enough to live in the Santa Cruz Mountains. One week, we had a project to do to create a 3D work using our shadows as the subject matter. Now, I had never worked in three dimensions before... I was always doing photography, drawing in pencils, charcoals, pastels... some painting, too, but it was all in two dimensions. This shadow project was one of my first. Also, I hadn't yet taken any color classes, so I was really young & naive to what ways I could express myself artistically.
I had to work with what I had, as I was struggling with school, work and living on my own. I was able to get some plywood from my mom's garage, traced the designs I wanted onto the sheets of plywood, and had my boyfriend at the time help me to cut the designs out. I had to use spray paint that was already in the garage for color, and they were only red, green and blue. Hideous colors, to be sure! The resulting piece was two of my shadow forms, which I had notched to fit together in the middle, so that they would stand up like a statue. I thought it was kind of cool, and it took me days to complete. When my instructor critiqued it, his only comment was, "It's very pedestrian." And then he moved on to the next person's piece.
I was devastated, and very certain that I was NOT an artist, and if I were, I was a BAD artist. I cried that night, and maybe a couple more times, whenever the shame of his assessment would wash over me.
It took me many, many years to shake that torn and dirty shawl off my shoulders. I believed my old instructor. I let his horrible and unthinking words have their way with my psyche. I should have ignored him completely, but I wasn't as strong then as I am now.
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| BaBAM! |
Then take my sister. She went to school for business. She was always told by our mom that she was very good at business and money matters, but that she had no creativity in her. Now, my mom was always pretty supportive of my love of the arts, and had told me that I was good at drawing, etc. But with my sister, she felt that her strengths were definitely NOT in the arts.
But my sister was not cowed, or thrown off her personal vision, which started after she graduated. She moved down to L.A., and promptly got into fashion, doing textile designs for a big clothing design company. (I own tons of their clothes!) Then she decided that she wanted to design clothes herself, and moved to a different company, getting closer to her goal. However, she changed goals later, when she decided to become a fashion photographer. Mind you, she never went to art or design school. She never immersed herself in photography back in school. Yet, she threw herself into it, and called herself a photographer, and she became VERY GOOD. In fact, people pay her to do photo shoots of them because she's so good. Check out the link to her photos...
You are what you believe you are. You are the maker of your Life. You design your place in the Universe. Believe in yourself, and you can become whatever you want! Don't let labels, yours or other people's, stop you from pursuing your dreams. Follow your bliss!!
I think there must be quite a few of us out there... people who are searching for peace, and enlightenment of some kind, and a well-spring of joy that we know must exist inside ourselves.
I am one of those people.
Sure, it's taken me a really long time to even get to where I am today, which is maybe someone standing on a hill that has a view of that River of Bliss. I've made a lot of poor decisions about how to live my life and learned some hard lessons. At least I've LEARNED those lessons, right? I'm still learning them. I'm happy to learn them.
So, here I am, right now. Standing on that hill. I've got my hand over my eyes to shield them from the blinding sparkles of light that come off the River. The brightness is the kind that is a little bit painful, but it feels good. Like pressure on your temples when your head hurts. I want to keep my eyes on that glittery river. I can feel the joy inside of me that I've every right to have. All of us are entitled to that joy! We are born with it inside of us.... a little stream of happiness that we play in as children .
I'm not sure how it happens, exactly, but we soon stop seeing the wonder in everything. It gets buried inside, maybe. Or sometimes it gets smothered a little. Dig deep, people! That amazing river of life, love, wonder, happiness, BLISS, is running through your soul. It might only feel like a trickle sometimes, but that's only because you haven't dug it out yet. All the rocks and dirt that your life has dropped on you up until now has covered up that stream. It's really always been there, you know.
It's amazing that I only had to search to find it and I found it. (Joy!) So little that happens in my daily life upsets me now. Sure, I can still get annoyed by things, for about a minute! Then I touch my toes (mentally) to that river inside me, and all is well again! I feel happy again, and I know that nothing can take that from me.... it's a wonderful feeling!
The more you bathe in it, the more that lovely joyous feeling gets absorbed into and through you. I swear! Just knowing that inside you will always stay constantly in bliss if you let it, it makes you so strong in yourself. It makes you fearless.
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