Well, hello Friends. I've got my cup of coffee with me, and I thought I'd stop for a moment before I start getting ready for work. I'm still in training, though I've been answering the phones and doing basic things. It's not a difficult job at all. In fact, it's nothing I haven't done before. What's difficult is getting back into the swing of things.
As you may know, I've been kicking it at the apartment for the last year, and before that, I was just kicking it in L.A., with book projects to work on, life stuff to get in order, that kind of thing. I was just hanging out, which at first was an adjustment, and then became rather easy. (Though I was still dreaming a lot about my last job, whose stresses hadn't quite left my system yet.)
It's been just me and the boys, basically, for months and months. I thought I was tired of it, and that I was ready to join the work force. I hadn't realized that I would miss the leisure, or the time with my "kids"... but I do.
However, I also enjoy the energy of the people I work with, and the feeling of being a part of something else. It's a new chapter for me, and it's a little bit of a jerky start, but I am going to embrace it. It'll take me a while to figure out how to juggle my time, I'm sure. I'm still working on other projects, and have business to finish. Somehow, I'll need to start utilizing my time more wisely, as I used to know how to do. I'm sure I'm not alone in this.
When I was busy with a career, I knew how to manage my time better. I could work 40-55 hours a week, and still find time in there to do other things like shop, (half-heartedly) work on projects, cook, clean, etc. I was exhausted, mind you. Most of the time I felt quite tired, but I also used to fall asleep in about 1-2 minutes. But then I'd be wide awake at 1, 2, 3 am, and not be able to fall back asleep right away. I think that was stress-related. Without a career, I seem to have gotten very little done! Did I waste my time? I guess that depends on how you define "waste". Because when I really consider it, that time was a healing time for me that I desperately needed. I think that we forget to tend to ourselves most of the time... we worry about others' needs and situations, and we put ourselves on the back-burner. I did that a lot when I lived in California.
In my memory, I have always either worked, worked and went to school, went to school and worked, worked two or even three jobs, or was absolutely exhausted and unable to do anything.
And then I figured a few things out. You know, Life doesn't have to be a rat race. I know it seems like it does sometimes. It seems like it IS, sometimes. But if you can allow yourself to step back, and ask yourself some hard-hitting questions, you might find that you have the nerve to pull out of that race. Here are some questions:
1. What are the most important things to you?
2. What do you love the most in your life?
3. What can you live without if you had to?
4. Is your health more important than new gadgets or new clothes, etc?
5. What are you most grateful for?
If you can think outside the box, I'm sure that you'll find the path that's right for you. We're all so entrenched in thinking that we must have a career, we must buy a car, a house, whatever, and we must be "equal" to those in our peer groups, or we are failures. Look, the failure is in letting others tell you what kind of life to have and following that blindly. Make up your own mind, and allow yourself some happiness before this life is over! If Life has taught me anything, it's that most people think they have made decisions for themselves, but really, most people don't think. They just robotically weigh their choices with a "yes" or "no" answer against what OTHER people have done, and decide in an almost binary deduction from that. They don't actually stop and think about their own deep feelings. It's easy enough to say, if this then that. If that, then yes, or if that, then no. That's not making a real, true CHOICE. That's just following someone else's flowchart.
I hope I've give you some food for thought. REAL thought. Make magic happen for yourself! Be inspired by yourself! Use that juicy brain of yours for more than robotic decisions, and let yourself FLY... it's such a different path, and who knows? Maybe you'll be happier!
Last note: I'm not saying that I've made the right choice here, but that's my point. I'm making my OWN choice. I'm doing what feels good and right for ME. Everyone I know probably thinks I'm crazy for "settling" for an easy job, and not making tons of money... but I know what makes me happy more than anyone else could. I'm the writer for the story of my life. Are you?
I hope you have a blessed day. xoxox
I had a really, truly wonderful birthday this year, even though I was feeling "off," as I mentioned earlier this week. My friends and family really made sure that I felt the love, being so far away from home! I got texts all day, starting with my best friend, my sister and some of my old coworker friends in California, to my buddies here in Pennsylvania!
I got loads of messages on Facebook all day long, from childhood friends all the way on up to newly made friends. It was so much fun getting birthday wishes all day long! I got cards in the mail, though not as many as before I was on FB, ha ha! Most of my family are on there now, and a whole lot of my friends, too. It doesn't matter to me how the love comes to me, though! I got many wonderful birthday wishes from my friends in the blogosphere, also! Thank you!! xo
My boyfriend was my personal servant for the day, and he also got me some wonderful gifts! Flowers the day he came home from school on the 22nd, and early in the morning on the 23rd, he went and got fresh pastries to go with breakfast. And he'd taken the day off for me! He made me tea all day, and got me food when I was hungry. He watched "Whip It" with me, and ended up liking it! I already knew he would, though. Cute story! And check out my presents... an old Indian hand carved stamp! I can't wait to ink it up and see what the print looks like!
And.... a series of Glass Blowing Classes!! They start after my writing class is over! I am so excited to learn a new art process!!! How awesome is that, really? I will DEFINITELY be blogging that experience!
So, I just got a ring on the door buzzer just now, went to the door and it was the mailman. He left behind a package for me from another of my wonderful friends from California, Deb... she sent me a birthday box that had homemade biscotti (she's the best at making biscotti!), teas, a beautiful pair of earrings made in Santa Cruz, and a small jade globe, about 1-1/2" in diameter, that sits on a little carved wooden stand. She never forgets my birthday, even though we haven't physically seen each other since I moved from Santa Cruz about 16 years ago! We write each other actual letters all the time, as she doesn't have a computer. I know, I know, ha ha! Luddite! She doesn't even have a cell phone! But she has an actual phone, an answering machine, and she writes me a lot.
My best friend, Eustacia, is also great about writing actual letters and cards, though she also emails me. We went through a period during high school when she was attending a private school in Colorado, and I was going to school in San Jose, California. We wrote each other all the time because calling was too expensive and would get us in trouble if we did it too much. Those correspondances were what kept us best friends, I think. And luckily, she came home during the summers, so we would hang out and reconnect during that time. My birthday this year reminded me of the joy of friendship. It's really the best kind of gift to receive. After all, you can't help who your family is, (though sometimes you're lucky enough to be friends with your family, like I am!) but you choose your friends and they choose you. It's an amazing thing, and I feel so blessed.
I hope you all have a blessed day... xoxo
I think there must be quite a few of us out there... people who are searching for peace, and enlightenment of some kind, and a well-spring of joy that we know must exist inside ourselves.
I am one of those people.
Sure, it's taken me a really long time to even get to where I am today, which is maybe someone standing on a hill that has a view of that River of Bliss. I've made a lot of poor decisions about how to live my life and learned some hard lessons. At least I've LEARNED those lessons, right? I'm still learning them. I'm happy to learn them.
So, here I am, right now. Standing on that hill. I've got my hand over my eyes to shield them from the blinding sparkles of light that come off the River. The brightness is the kind that is a little bit painful, but it feels good. Like pressure on your temples when your head hurts. I want to keep my eyes on that glittery river. I can feel the joy inside of me that I've every right to have. All of us are entitled to that joy! We are born with it inside of us.... a little stream of happiness that we play in as children .
I'm not sure how it happens, exactly, but we soon stop seeing the wonder in everything. It gets buried inside, maybe. Or sometimes it gets smothered a little. Dig deep, people! That amazing river of life, love, wonder, happiness, BLISS, is running through your soul. It might only feel like a trickle sometimes, but that's only because you haven't dug it out yet. All the rocks and dirt that your life has dropped on you up until now has covered up that stream. It's really always been there, you know.
It's amazing that I only had to search to find it and I found it. (Joy!) So little that happens in my daily life upsets me now. Sure, I can still get annoyed by things, for about a minute! Then I touch my toes (mentally) to that river inside me, and all is well again! I feel happy again, and I know that nothing can take that from me.... it's a wonderful feeling!
The more you bathe in it, the more that lovely joyous feeling gets absorbed into and through you. I swear! Just knowing that inside you will always stay constantly in bliss if you let it, it makes you so strong in yourself. It makes you fearless.
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