Good Morning, Monday... Follow Your Bliss!

Well, hello Friends. I've got my cup of coffee with me, and I thought I'd stop for a moment before I start getting ready for work. I'm still in training, though I've been answering the phones and doing basic things. It's not a difficult job at all. In fact, it's nothing I haven't done before. What's difficult is getting back into the swing of things.


As you may know, I've been kicking it at the apartment for the last year, and before that, I was just kicking it in L.A., with book projects to work on, life stuff to get in order, that kind of thing. I was just hanging out, which at first was an adjustment, and then became rather easy. (Though I was still dreaming a lot about my last job, whose stresses hadn't quite left my system yet.)
It's been just me and the boys, basically, for months and months. I thought I was tired of it, and that I was ready to join the work force. I hadn't realized that I would miss the leisure, or the time with my "kids"... but I do.


However, I also enjoy the energy of the people I work with, and the feeling of being a part of something else. It's a new chapter for me, and it's a little bit of a jerky start, but I am going to embrace it. It'll take me a while to figure out how to juggle my time, I'm sure. I'm still working on other projects, and have business to finish. Somehow, I'll need to start utilizing my time more wisely, as I used to know how to do. I'm sure I'm not alone in this.


When I was busy with a career, I knew how to manage my time better. I could work 40-55 hours a week, and still find time in there to do other things like shop, (half-heartedly) work on projects, cook, clean, etc. I was exhausted, mind you. Most of the time I felt quite tired, but I also used to fall asleep in about 1-2 minutes. But then I'd be wide awake at 1, 2, 3 am, and not be able to fall back asleep right away. I think that was stress-related. Without a career, I seem to have gotten very little done! Did I waste my time? I guess that depends on how you define "waste". Because when I really consider it, that time was a healing time for me that I desperately needed. I think that we forget to tend to ourselves most of the time... we worry about others' needs and situations, and we put ourselves on the back-burner. I did that a lot when I lived in California. 

My last year and a half was mainly about me. I know my friends wondered what the hell I was doing, not working, not planning, just "hanging out." I guess I'd wonder too, if it was the other way around. But what I realize now is that I was healing. It's a very active practice, too: healing. I feel like I was ripped and shredded inside, and I had to find ways to mend those parts of myself that I had neglected over the past 20 years or so. Like many people, I've been working since before I could even drive myself to work. I felt like I had to get on the ball, and make some money! I think my ideas of what was important were definitely skewed by society. I never stopped for more than about two months, as I recall. After a particularly terrible three years as an interior decorator, I had made myself very sick and tired, and moved in with my mom until I could figure things out. Have you ever been so exhausted by where your life took you that you couldn't even get out of bed? That was me at that time. (I was 26 or 27.) It took me about two months to get a new job, start school again and revise my career.


In my memory, I have always either worked, worked and went to school, went to school and worked, worked two or even three jobs, or was absolutely exhausted and unable to do anything.


And then I figured a few things out. You know, Life doesn't have to be a rat race. I know it seems like it does sometimes. It seems like it IS, sometimes. But if you can allow yourself to step back, and ask yourself some hard-hitting questions, you might find that you have the nerve to pull out of that race. Here are some questions:


1. What are the most important things to you?


2. What do you love the most in your life?


3. What can you live without if you had to?


4. Is your health more important than new gadgets or new clothes, etc? 


5. What are you most grateful for?


If you can think outside the box, I'm sure that you'll find the path that's right for you. We're all so entrenched in thinking that we must have a career, we must buy a car, a house, whatever, and we must be "equal" to those in our peer groups, or we are failures. Look, the failure is in letting others tell you what kind of life to have and following that blindly. Make up your own mind, and allow yourself some happiness before this life is over! If Life has taught me anything, it's that most people think they have made decisions for themselves, but really, most people don't think. They just robotically weigh their choices with a "yes" or "no" answer against what OTHER people have done, and decide in an almost binary deduction from that. They don't actually stop and think about their own deep feelings. It's easy enough to say, if this then that. If that, then yes, or if that, then no. That's not making a real, true CHOICE. That's just following someone else's flowchart.


I hope I've give you some food for thought. REAL thought. Make magic happen for yourself! Be inspired by yourself! Use that juicy brain of yours for more than robotic decisions, and let yourself FLY... it's such a different path, and who knows? Maybe you'll be happier!


Last note: I'm not saying that I've made the right choice here, but that's my point. I'm making my OWN choice. I'm doing what feels good and right for ME. Everyone I know probably thinks I'm crazy for "settling" for an easy job, and not making tons of money... but I know what makes me happy more than anyone else could. I'm the writer for the story of my life. Are you?


I hope you have a blessed day. xoxox

Getting Things Done

Okay, you guys. I'm following your advice, and I'm slowly working on cleaning my studio space again. It had gotten so cluttered with boxes of stuff shipped to me from my well-meaning family and my ex. I can see the floor again, and it feels really good!


The work spaces are still mostly covered with projects, media and book making materials, but now I know that it'll get cleared and organized, and it makes me feel more optimism than I've felt in a while (with regards to my room.)


I'm still working out how best to do my room, since it's clear to me that the way I have it now, even though it's set up to give me the most floor space, isn't really set up to encourage me to work. But first things first: I've got to get my materials organized. I'm so glad that I bought these awesome organizers when I had a 50% off coupon at Jo-Anna's Fabrics... they've come in really handy!

I have my scrapping papers in one, my book making materials in another one, my watercolors and other paints in another, and all kinds of leather cords, strings, threads, etc, in another. They're stackable, they have handles, and snap closures. Awesome! Now I just wish that I'd ordered more! They aren't cheap, so the discount was kind of key.


Clearing out my room is also clearing out my head. I noticed that when there's too much stuff around, I start to feel a bit overwhelmed in that space. It's taken me long enough to figure that out, right? Sheesh. As I was putting things away, putting it into recycling, or throwing it into a Goodwill pile, I started thinking of projects that I want to start. Ideas were coming in as the crap was going out! Interesting phenomena.


I think I might be getting my inspiration back... and a little bonus: I found a letter written to me by my cousin, Alison. She passed away many years ago, killed by a drunk driver when she and her boyfriend were driving home one night. Reading that letter from her connected me to her quite suddenly and unexpectedly. I remember reading that letter when I first got it, in 1991. She had just returned from Norway, where she studied on a student exchange. She was trying to find her place again, having been abroad for so long. It was like going back in time. She was one of my best friends, next to Eustacia, who is still my best friend. Ali and I always made it a point to write each other, and call each other, as there wasn't any email back then. (Weird to think that now, right?) We could tell each other anything, and we frequently did. When she was killed, I was devastated. I felt dislocated. It was as if the rug had been pulled out from under me and left me dazed, hurting and lying on my back wondering what the hell had just happened. Aside from the somewhat expected death of my grandmother, I had only lost a few people at that age. Alison was the one that I couldn't reconcile for many years. Her death darkened my soul. I was never the same afterwards. I think that a very bitter seed was planted in my heart when that happened to her. It took many years for me to let go of the pain and to stop crying when I thought of her and how much I missed her. I think that it was my dreams of her that helped me the most. (I have dreamt of talking with her, and somehow I always understood that she was making an effort to come see me, and that it was real.) It used to be that I'd cry every month, then every few months. It got down to only a couple times a year, then less. The pain never really leaves us when we lose someone, I think. We just learn to accept and absorb it, somehow. I know that she isn't gone, either. She didn't just disappear, even though it initially felt that way. I've had moments when I knew that she was there for me. She watches over me and is my guardian angel. I'm really very lucky. Anyone that knew her, even for a short while, understood what a special person she was. The letter I found today reminded me of all of this and more. It was such a gift, and I had to share it with you.


I miss you, Alison Durfey. I miss your friendship. I still think of you, and I love you dearly. Thank you for being in my life, and thank you for watching over me now. You're missed by your family and by your friends. xoxox

Alison loved nasturtiums... these are for her.

2010: A Year of Big Changes for Me!

In January of this year, I quit my corporate job of 12-1/2 years. That was a big, difficult thing to do, but I feel it was necessary for my personal growth. I still miss the people I worked with there!

My Going-Away Party

I moved to Los Angeles in January, leaving behind some friends, my soul-sister BFF and my family, but also living closer to my sister and some other friends. I rediscovered my creative side here, and started blogging in earnest! I made new friends, and I was inspired by them. I visited Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, and started making plans to move there in the summer.

The apartment I shared with my roommate in LA

My view for 6 months

Book making had challenges

LA at night

Books I made

Paper art inspired by my friend Lucy

The cats had to make adjustments, also

Griffith Park Observatory

I also started my Etsy shop with the books that I made, and other little things that I created. I sold some books in my friend's Silver Lake book store, Ivanhoe. I explored Los Angeles, and made plans for a trip to Europe for a friend's wedding in Stresa, Italy. My sister and I traveled together to Paris, Stresa, Levanto, Monterosso al Mare, and Venice Italy. It was an amazing, whirlwind trip! We traveled with other friends, too, which made it that much more amazing! And just to underscore the magnitude of this trip, I have wanted to go to Paris since I was five years old. When I was standing there, under Le Tour Eiffel at night, I felt this hugeness inside me that came from the realization that I had finally attained one of my life-long dreams. It was big. My eyes filled with tears and my sister came over and gave me a huge hug because she knew, too, that it was a big deal for me. It was amazing to be there with her for this first time to Paris! I loved it completely!

With friends in a cafe in Paris

I think you know

Pyramid at the Louvre at sunset

 The next part of our trip, to Stresa, Italy, wasn't something that I had ever craved, but it was a joy anyway! This resort town under the Alps is beautiful and friendly. We all relished our notoriety here, I think. We were the youngest people in the town for a while! And oh, so glamorous, too! It was a wonderful experience!

Where the wedding took place

The walk to the wedding

Wedding reception

 After the wedding, we took a train to Levanto, Italy, via Milan. It was a town next to the Cinque Terre towns that we planned to visit. Levanto is adorable in it's own right, however, and far less crowded! The Mediterranean seems to be just as beautiful in Levanto as in Monterosso al Mare.

The Mediterranean from Levanto, Italy

Church in Levanto, Italy

 We took another train to Venice, and I must add that this is another city that I've always wanted to visit. It fulfilled my expectations completely! It's a twisty, ecclectic, visually stunning city. The men are flirtatious and forward! The colors are rich and hold the patina of age very well. We took tons of pictures in the mostly empty alleys all through Venice, as well as around the canals where most of the activity occurs. 

Venetian Gondola

Venetian goodies

Taking pics in the alleys of Venice

 But on top of the trip to Europe, I also had a trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico with my sweetheart, and a cross-country roadtrip to the east coast from the west coast! In the dead of summer, no less, and with loads of my things stuffed into my Mini Cooper!

View from the pool at my resort in Mexico

Yummy Mexican food

Visiting friends in Tucson, AZ

Texan sunset

Me in New Orleans

 As amazing (and hot) as the road trip was, it was also very exciting for me to have a new town to get familiar with. I explored Bethlehem, PA, and the surrounding areas, including New York and New Jersey, both alone and with my boyfriend. We also moved into a place that would fit me and my two cats, and all that I came with!

Historic structures

Moving day

Shells from New Jersey's shore

A delicious welcome from a friend in PA

Hawk Mountain

 I also got to see what Autumn is REALLY about! I blogged on it quite a bit! For more pictures, see these blogs.

 It has been a fantastic, scary, exciting, and FULL year. My life has changed dramatically since the beginning of this year. I know that next year will bring lots of joy and excitement and love, as this past year has. I hope that for all of you, you will have as much or more JOY and LOVE as I have had! In all that you do going forward in 2011, never forget what is important: LOVE, Gratitude, Friends, Family and connections. Stay connected to the Universe. Stay connected to your loved ones, and stay connected to yourself.

Thank you for your connection. Thank you for your creativity and happiness that you share with me.

Peace, love and joy to you all from me here in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania... xoxo

GRATITUDE

An island of shrubs in Merced River, Yosemite, CA

I think it's really important to stop every once in a while and take stock of your life. By this I mean, it's helpful to your psyche if you slow down and say "Thank You" for all the things in your life.... your family, your friends, your good health, your pets, your creativity, your ability to read, speak, breathe....

So here are the things I am THANKFUL for, in no particular order:

family, friends, my cats, my boyfriend, my bright apartment, my fast-walkin' legs, my good health, my creativity, my etsy shop, living in America (the land I love best), the food in my fridge, hot & cold running water, the sun, the moon, the stars (oh, the stars!), the birds in the sky, the squirrels in the yard, hearing music, missing my grandma, grandpa and cousin Alison, because that's a reminder that I loved deeply and was loved deeply, cooking, eating (!!), books, my literacy that I never take for granted, my cameras (because i have several), all my fun art projects, the fact that people care what happens to me, the JOY in my life, the excitement in my life!, the traveling I have done, the traveling I will do, all the laughter in my life, all the smiles, people who read my BLOG (oh yes, you!), and so many other things that I would be here all day and get nothing else done.

But see, now that I have laid all those wonderful things out there, I feel amazingly blessed! I feel charged up and loving, and special, and grateful. I am a very lucky girl, and I am ever so thankful for LIFE, which is constantly amazing and surprising me with gifts and joys that I treasure, and that I want to share with YOU.

Griffith Park, Los Angeles, CA